How many times will you let people break your heart.
How many times will you cry for others.
How many times will you give control over to others.
How many times will you keep trusting others.
How many times will you take to learn your lesson.
How many times will you keep loving the ones don't deserve it.
Let them go. Take care of yourself.
I am starting to think a lot about the abusive relationship i was in early in my adulthood. I was told I don't look good enough but have a good body. Not once but many times later too. Some mean mean comments that I can't believe i still remember even though those people are no more in my life. Even though I received love later from my close family and friends, i still felt i was not good looking enough to actually people love me. I somehow try to compensate for the bad looks by being smart which i don't think i am either. I feel like a total failure. I usually over extended so people will like me and love me the same way i do. But it has never been the case. Some have seen and liked me for who I am but not the ones I wanted. It could be bec of the situation they were in. But I feel i am so fucked up and need to do a lot of inner work to feel better. And i don't understand why I can't work things out with sujeeth either. He doesn't feel like a partner. He feels more like another child i have to take care of. I know i too feel like a child and want to be taken care of at times but with him, it's constantly me who has to be the adult amongst the two of us. I fucking miss the emotional connection and search at all the bad places and end up hurting myself more. I have to learn to be happy and self sufficient by myself and not seek love and connection externally.
